I used to spend so much time rereading our old text messages, replaying memories inside my head, scrolling through your social media, dressing up cute just in case I happened to run into you. I used to waste so much energy fooling myself into thinking that you might come back one day, that our love story hadn’t reached its end yet.
I assumed that you would always hold a special place in my heart, that I would never get over you. I thought I would always consider you the one who got away. I thought I would always secretly hate myself for not doing enough to keep you close.
I’m not sure when it happened, I’m not sure how I healed, but I no longer think like that anymore. I no longer wish that you were here.
Somewhere along the line, I stopped sitting up at night, wondering what you were doing. Whether someone else was sharing the bed with you in the same place where I used to sit. I stopped falling asleep thinking of your face. I stopped reaching out in my sleep to touch you. I stopped missing the way your body felt against mine. I stopped waking up with your name on my lips.
Somewhere along the line, I stopped obsessing over your social media. Stopped checking to see if your relationship status changed. Stopped scrolling through posts to catch up on your life. Stopped trying to guess what was going on in your pictures based on the background. Stopped guessing whether you were happy. Stopped guessing whether you were thinking about me, too.
Somewhere along the line, I stopped mentioning your name in conversations. I stopped telling my friends how much I hated you for walking away. I stopped looking for you in public. I stopped asking about you in groups. I stopped wishing you were there when I went out to have some fun. I stopped comparing everyone else to you.
Somewhere along the line, I stopped looking through our old texts. I stopped listening to your old voicemails. I stopped thinking about the old compliments you gave me, the old kisses you gave me, the old love you gave me. I stopped replaying the highlights of our relationship. I stopped focusing on all of the good things and ignoring all of the bad.
Somewhere along the line, I stopped having the urge to reach out to you on late nights and early mornings. I stopped crying over you inside of bathroom stalls and beneath the cover of my blankets. I stopped drunk texting you during parties. I stopped trying to live in the past. I stopped pretending you were the best thing that ever happened to me. I stopped lying to myself about how I would never find someone as good as you.
Somewhere along the line, I stopped caring about you. I stopped missing you. I stopped wanting you.
And now, after all of this time, I can finally say that I’m over you.
Next blog will be out soon.Desai Thoughts MEdia.
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